Small talk

Clients in counselling often report feelings of loneliness and isolation but are very reluctant to socialise for various reasons including fear,shyness,and anxiety.These issues can be addressed in a supportive therapeutic alliance.Sometimes people avoid socialising because they’ don,t like small talk’.They cannot see the point of it and it feels awkward,superficial,and a waste of time.However,like many challenges in life,it becomes easier to find the motivation to do something if you can see the purpose of it.’Small talk’ is actually a very effective method of edging up to and around people without taking too many risks of self disclosure whilst simultaneously checking out if this is someone you are interested to get to know better.Then it becomes worth the effort of pursuing that goal and having already established a bridgehead into a possibly deeper relationship.

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Dependency feelings get a bad press in psychology and counselling.Clients often report concerns that reflect confused understanding of this issue.There is sometimes a conflation of bad dependency with good dependency.Bad dependency has negative consequences (like addictions of various sorts).Good dependency simply involves a meeting of ones natural needs.Good dependency does not involve a sort of psychological paralysis or helplessness or weakness as psychotherapy clients sometimes may fear.There remains autonomy and personal power allied with the flexibility of being able to attach and enjoy.Some may argue that independence can only be properly enjoyed when when has learned to depend in a healthy fashion.True independence involves flexibility and choice.This is sometimes confused with counterdependency which can be seen as psychological/emotional isolation and rigidity.

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Psychologists and counsellors generally would commonly hear clients (patrticularly clients with depression) say “I will do something(exercise etc.etc.) when I feel better.”That is because people often do not realise that BEHAVIOR change must precede FEELING change not the other way round.If you do something different you may feel better later.If you wait for your feelings to change you may be waiting for  long time.That poses the problem of doing something when you DON’T feel like it.However,the motivation becomes stronger when there is the anticipation of benefit later and an awareness of the necessary priorities in the order of the steps to be taken.

If you are seeking the services of a Perth Psychologist or perth Counsellor,please contact me at