Being Yourself

Sometimes in a crisis,in grief and loss we can feel that we lose ourself.This is a psychological illusion and with nurturing and time and ,perhaps wise and understanding counsel and support ,our sense of self returns.It never really went away but was hidden.Being oneself can be a risky business.We can resort to ‘persona’,sometimes overtly ‘false self’ to disguise who we are.Why is this?Presumably because being our ‘true self’ may not please others because we do not share their opinions or beliefs.Perhaps we do not want to do something that is being asked of us.We do not want to offend others and ,often ,seek approval sometimes because we find it difficult to approve of ourself and be our own authority.Being yourself is risky in this sense.The risk can be minimised by finding the right verbal formula and the right timing to express it.There is sometimes a view in relationships that NOW is always the right time.This is not so.It may be useful to check a suitable time for sharing and feedback and make an appointment even with a family member.Generally it is best to have an opportunity to air  a burning issue within 24 hours rather than one partner putting this on the’never/never’.Resolving the issue may take much longer of course.Risking being honest in a relationship and risking  ‘being yourself” seems to be an important ingredient in effective negotiation and problem/conflict resolution in a personal relationship.Some people with difficulties knowing their true feelings and opinions or personal value may benefit from exploring these matters in a safe and supportive counselling environment.

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